CRN.Info and Analysis

A recently intercepted letter from the Armchair Mafia to Compassion International:

Dear Friends at Compassion International,

This letter is to inform you that Erika (pictured here) will not be receiving sponsorship funds for the next 10 months.

The money was, instead, spent on attendance at a conference. And not just any conference, but the recent Reveal Conference at Willow Creek. Please know that the “Super Early Bird” registration was used. Had it not been, Erika would’ve been left out in the cold for a year instead of just 10 months.

More important than this fiscal responsibility, the attendee extensively fisked the conference here and here. As an added bonus, you will also find the occasional critique of the church in general or the divining of motivations by conference speakers. Some may see these as unnecessary and irrelevant, but they are actually very important in getting the point across.

I think it’s obvious that “revealing” that which we have already decried for years is much more important than feeding some random 7-year-old.

Sincerely,

Your Friends at [a prominent Armchair "Discernment" Ministry]

P.S. Our sincere apologies for what seems to be praise for Hybels in the first post. We are now counseling with Chris regarding his poor discernment shown by attributing something positive to one of our enemies.

HT: A Little Birdie…

Friends,

I am currently engaged in a through-the-bible-in-90-days reading ‘program.’ It is a fast-paced, exhilarating, whirl-wind adventure! This week I finished Leviticus and Numbers and started Deuteronomy. Anyhow, as you know, those books are filled with plenty of sermon stuff and, interestingly enough, one of the topics is that nasty three letter word ’sex.’

Now we have discussed much around here about whether or not sex is an appropriate topic for sermons on Sunday. It’s a good conversation to have. (Ironically, whenever the subject of ’sex’ comes up we always rush to Song of Solomon and never to the book of Numbers or Leviticus, but I digress.) So, since everyone is contributing humor this week, I thought perhaps to add my own bit of humor to the posting with this piece from Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby) that I clipped about 14 years ago.

When I went to City Hall to renew my dog’s license, I told the clerk I wanted a license for Sex. He said, ‘I’d like one, too!’

I said, ‘But this is a dog.’

He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, you don’t understand. I’ve had Sex since I was 9 years old.’ He winked at me and said, ‘You must have been quite a kid.’

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took my dog with me. I told the hotel clerk I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, ‘You don’t need a special room for Sex. As long as you pay your bill, we don’t care what you do.’

I said, ‘Look, you don’t seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.’

The clerk said, ‘Funny, I have the same problem.’

Well, one day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog got loose and ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He said, ‘Wonderful! If you sell tickets, you’ll clean up!’

‘But you don’t understand,’ I said. ‘I want to have Sex on TV.’

He said, ‘They already have that on cable. It’s not big deal anymore.’

Well, my wife and I decided to separate, so we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.

I said to the judge, ‘Your honor, I had Sex before I was married.’ The judge said, ‘The court is not a confessional. Please stick to the facts.’ Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, “Me, too.”

Well, last night Sex ran away again, and I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?’

I said, “I’m looking for Sex.’

My case comes up on Friday.

Have a good weekend everyone.

HT: Levticus 18

jerry

We’re not mystics! Everything we believe is completely explainable and can be easily rationalized. For goodness sake, it’s all written down so our faith can be read like a textbook. Who are all these crazy christians that believe our faith can best experienced in living in the mystical realities of this world. I mean, who would think this is mystical at all:

* The sovereign God sent His son to the planet to live a perfect life as completely man and completely divine

* God has His son killed as atonement for the sins of every man to come

* Anyone who receives Jesus, to those who believe in his name, they can become children of the divine. They can become heirs to this divine kingdom. (did I forget to mention that there was a divine kingdom that is continually expanding)

* Those who receive Jesus are born-again and will not suffer eternal punishment in a Lake of Fire. However, they will live forever and receive the Holy Spirit.

* The Holy Spirit is a person that lives inside of them, and speaks to them. Thru this person that speaks them, they can overcome sin, live with power and courage, and perform miracles.

* I forgot to mention that those with the Holy Spirit have a divine connection with God that allows them to speak directly with him, thru Jesus, anytime they want. AND, God speaks back to them

Na — there’s noting mystical about that, is there? All rational, everyday stuff.

Friends,

One of the things that has always impressed me about CRN.info, is the willingness to allow any and all comments to appear in threads. When I first discovered this blog, it was like a breath of fresh air that the writers here do nothing to stifle conversation, nothing to prevent disagreement, nothing to censor those with whom they have differences. I have always appreciated that because more often than not what I have found is an opportunity for grace to flow freely and to be administered abundantly. Coming here and finding this kind of free flow of ideas and thoughts and grace was like walking into a flowered field after traipsing through a cow pasture.

The recent conversations here have been even more occasions for grace to abound. I have enjoyed many of the thoughts people shared with me concerning our family’s recent graduation. I was also very impressed with many commentors who took time here to wish Jim B prayers and thoughts as he goes through a very difficult season in his own life. I was also very encouraged when Chris L posted a lengthy essay concerning Roman processions and Mark’s Gospel. The comment thread was filled with effusive praise for Chris’ hard work and research. It was also very nice to pray for Mr & Mrs Schlueter while they were on vacation recently. I can honestly say, though, I really appreciate the conversations that take place in these threads even when we do not happen to agree with one another.

By way of contrast, however, many blogs that are critical of blogs such as CRN.info do not have comment sections. They prefer, instead, to write up their opinions and not interact with anyone who may have a differing opinion. I think this is sad because in a way it is like saying, “I have the only opinion that matters and I am unwilling to even consider that someone else may have feelings or thoughts invested in this.” (This is exactly why I accepted the invitation to blog here: Nowhere else on the internet does grace flow so freely. I am treated better by some atheist’s whose blogs I visit than I am by some of the drive by ODM’s who visit here.) So I got to thinking, after spending some time reading the posts of some other bloggers where comments do not appear, what the conversation might look like if comments were allowed to appear. I have paraphrased what such a conversation might look like and what sort of devilry it might contain.

Sven

Wow. That was amazing. I have never read such a compelling damnation of Wick Rarren’s apostate heretical teaching in all my life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I have blogged about it and I am feeling rather persecuted because I wrote about it. I request that my bio be posted on page 483 of Boxes Mook of Fartyrs because I suffer for my blog. (PS–if you’d like to help me, please make a contribution to my tax deductible tip jar.) My ministry is so important, but I will rise up and overcome. So many benefit from my work.

Jansenboy

Wow. That was amazing. Imagine how nice life would be in the church if everyone just thought like we did! Imagine how wonderful the church would be if we were the only Christians! Oh wait! We are the only Christians!!!!! On the other hand, since we are the only Christians….well, nevermind. I am the best witness on the planet! Yea! Watch me witness! Yea! What me condemn others who disagree with me!

Inga

When I was 18, I went on a field trip to a local zoo. There I was terrified to learn that there is actually more than one species of bird. All my life I had grown up my family farm thinking the only bird that existed was the chicken. I know one thing, those other birds are not birds at all. They are imposters, fakes, frauds, phonies. They only have faux feathers. They are not birds at all!

Wiggy

Don’t you all think you are being a little hard on these other folks? Isn’t there any room for grace in your church? Didn’t Jesus die for us all? I mean, I have never read anywhere that Wick Rarren denied that Jesus was Lord or that communion didn’t matter or that the Bible was errant.

Jansenboy

Jesus only died for the elect and all the rest are going to eternal hell in an eternal hand basket. I witness better than anyone. Wanna fight? Doesn’t matter. The other day, I watched a church get wrecked because they had a motorcycle in the building. I’m sure that it is absolute heresy to have motor-bikes in the Sanctuary. Lalvin said so. So did Sputher. So did Curgeon. So did Peter. Paul. Inga said so. Sven wrote it! And Waul Pasher preached on it when he was witnessing to Gypsies. If Waul Pasher said it and cried while he preached it, then that’s enough for me!

Yrrej

Well. I am sorry you feel this way. I thought there was room in God’s grace for many people–those people God is fond of. I thought Jesus died for us all. I thought he died for the sins of the whole world. (1 John 2) Your friend, yrrej.

Sven

We are not friends and don’t you ever insinuate that we are again. In fact, your presence at this blog’s comment section is absolute proof that God’s grace is narrow.  

Rick

What are friends anyway? I have written several posts about this myself. Send me an email and I will send you the full catalog of links.

Alittlelevity

Wick Rarren is the worst kind of theologian there is and his defenders are even worse. The only thing that matters in this life is getting rid of Wick Rarren because no gospel is better than what he is preaching and teaching.

Brede P

Jansenboy is right. You free-wheeling, purpose-driven, Maclaren loving, rubbing-elbows with the Dala Lama, Rob Bell Hitlerians are worse than Hitler and Rob Bell combined. You don’t read your own stuff. You are what you hate. You are what you eat. You are becoming the very people you are the inverse of. You lovers of all people don’t understand the grace of God at all. God’s grace doesn’t mean everyone who has faith is saved–it means only those who have signed our manifesto are saved. And I can assure you that anyone who follows Erwin McManus is not saved!

Fritjov

God made the world in six days.

Sven

Inga, didn’t you write a post about that on your other blog, and do a program about it on your radio call-in program, and didn’t you condemn The Shank and all who read it as universalists who follow a man-made Jesus, and post a podcast at one of your blogs, and a youtube video at your youtube channel, and write about it in your monthly newsletter, and at your other blog, and your billboards, and on the side of your airplane? We need to make people aware of this. Let’s all write posts about it on the same day and post them at our own blogs. I am feeling rather persecuted right now. My esteem is low.

Editor

Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Inga

When I was 19, I went on a vacation with my family. We flew to the mountains and there we met the hated Yeti who was nothing at all like the Yeti’s we met on the other private jet we rented one day to go to a convention in Siberia. It was every one else’s fault that Jesus had to die. But that doesn’t change the fact that the Yeti is not going to heaven. We know this to be true because he read, yes, Yeti’s can read, the Porpoise Driven Couch and The Shank. Don’t you remember reading it in the Bible where it says that Yeti’s who read PDC and The Shank can’t get into heaven? I called my lawyer and he confirmed that the Yeti had no business whatsoever attempting to ge into heaven. But I forbid anyone else from talking to their lawyers about the Yeti.

Elof

What about that other guy who does nothing but defend the Porpoise Driven Couch?

Inga

I won’t even post that. You are banned forever Elof! I’m putting in a special call to Peter at the pearly gates to make sure you are prevented from ever setting foot on a cloud or touching a harp. Wiggy is banned too! I will not have any of you mentioning grace at my blog! You are only allowed to send me stories and comments about the failures of the Porpoise Driven Couch and the Shank.

Burr

I agree with myself.

Erlend

I agree with Sven.

Hulda

I agree with Inga.

Inga

I agree too.

Sven

I agree.

Jensenboy

I agree.

Editor

You had better agree with me!

Well, this is how I imagine such a conversation might go. It’s not a pretty sight to see. What I have learned, however, is that those who belong to the so-called ODM (I have a new definition: ADM and it’s not the supermarket to the world) are safe with Jesus. For the rest of us, Jesus is not enough. I recall reading something one day from a friend. I’ll paraphrase it: I’d rather be anything than an legalist. If you are a Christian, and you enjoy being saved by grace, go ahead and comment here. You are welcome. If you hate grace and think you are the only one saved, well you can comment here too because unfortunately for you those who agree with you do not permit comments only private emails. Still, we will welcome you with open arms and invite you to be a part of our family of commentors.

***This is satire. Any resemblance the above imagined conversation bears to real or computer generated people is sheer coincidence. Again, this is pure satire and the product of my imagination.***

HT: Slice

Friends,

“Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh” (Jude 1:22-23).

“My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.” (James 5:19-20)

I feel the need to break my own self-imposed rule of minimal blogging here at CRN.info designed to give someone else the chance to get a word in edgewise. But everyone seems to be busy today and I just happen to have the majority of my work for the week finished and I don’t think I can let this post by A Little Leaven to go by without a comment or two. With all the noise surrounding the RA/KS scandal it seems perhaps it might do us some good to consider a question of with serious theological and practical implications. For the protection of CRN.info and the writers here, I will say up front that this is a serious inquiry into a post made at A Little Leaven by blogger Chris Rosebrough and in no way an accusation or slanderous statement about his faith, character or person. Here I am interacting solely with the contents of his blog post.

I want to begin by pointing out that I like Chris Rosebrough and that this post is in no way a personal attack (that seems to be a popular word these days) on his person. Here I am interacting only with the contents of the blog post linked above where he is critical of xxx.church and their new ‘Don’t Spank‘ campaign. Furthermore, while most of this blog post is of a serious nature, I have used a mild form of sarcasm in order to illustrate my point and highlight the absurdity of Chris’ commentary on said campaign by xxxchurch.

Chris asks a very important question at his blog, one that should be addressed, concerning this new campaign (it may be old, I don’t know; Chris just posted it yesterday, 25th). He writes: “What exactly does XXXChurch hope to accomplish through this particular campaign (other than offending just about everyone)?” Well, I think I’d like to take a stab at answering this question: Chris, what they hope to accomplish is that people will stop flogging their dolphin, beating their bishop, choking their chicken, spanking their monkey, and/or otherwise sexually abusing themselves while they look at porn, fantasize about porn, or surf the web searching for porn or think of creative ways to sneak porn into their minds. This really doesn’t seem to be a terribly difficult conclusion to come to given the nature of the ministry of xxx.church. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think a great deal of perception is required to understand this. I’m not sure why anyone would be offended by this at all. All they are hoping to accomplish, it seems to me, is to encourage some self-control (a fruit of the Spirit kata Paul) among Christians in particular and perhaps the population at large in general.

Second, Chris puts forth a hypothetical scenario and asks another very important question. He writes: “Let’s pretend that through the magic of this marketing piece that everyone who sees this decides to stop ‘flogging their dolphins’. Does that mean that they’ve become Christians and are now saved?” Well, again, this doesn’t seem to require a great deal of thought. Chris, the answer is no. What it means is that, through the magic of this marketing piece or self-control or the Holy Spirit or accountability to friends, those who listen will have stopped masturbating. I really think that is the whole point here. There doesn’t seem to be anything about this campaign to suggest, to me anyhow, that it is necessarily evangelistic in nature. I don’t see anything on the two-sided stickers that says ‘Jesus’ or ‘Romans Road’ or ‘Visit Paul Washer Online At…’ On the contrary, I have always been under the impression that xxx.church was a ministry designed to hold Christian brothers and sisters accountable to one another on the internet where there has been a proliferation of porn since its inception or to help those who are addicted to porn escape its clutches. I don’t see how anyone could possibly be offended by such a thing, but then again, I am not Chris R now am I? If you read this, Chris, please help me understand why this should be considered offensive.

No Chris you silly man. People don’t ‘automatically’ become Christians because they give up auto-erotic behaviors. They become Christians when loving Christians teach them about Jesus, the Gospel, and about how God will hold them accountable for their lives–you know, when we ‘talk about all the things that really matter most, like life and love and happiness and too the Holy Ghost’ (Bob Herdman)–and when God gets a hold of them and raises them up to new life in Christ (See Ephesians 2:1-10) at their baptism. This is all in the Bible and you can readily access it by turning to just about any page. Now all of this leads me to two very important questions for Chris.

First, I guess, following your logic, that Christians should do nothing to discourage any sin at all. This means, if I am understanding this properly, then Christians ought to give up any and all action against abortion, we ought to give up any and all action against homosexual nuptials, we ought to give up any and all action against serial killing, we ought to give any and all action against rape. We should never work to alleviate poverty and injustice. And so the list could go on and on and on ad infinitum. I mean, following this logic, if we work to prevent an abortion but no one becomes a Christian because of those efforts, then it was rather pointless to work against the abortion in the first place. I suppose we may as well not do anything to eradicate sin and injustice and unrighteousness in the world. We may as well just sit back and be happy that we are saved and hope that somehow God magically does something to save the rest.

Second, and here’s where it gets just a bit risky…but in opposing this new campaign by xxx.church…this new campaign designed to make people think before they, uh, flog or get them to stop flogging altogether…in opposing this campaign or at least mocking it, are you in some way advocating the behavior they wish to stop? Let’s suppose through the magic of this marketing that people do stop ‘flogging’ does this automatically mean they are Christians? No. You are right! But, it might mean there are a few less people looking at and buying porn and the ramifications of that are astronomical.

Now, to be sure, I know you are not advocating the continuation of such practice. What Christian would advocate self-abuse and lusting eyes? I know you don’t and you wouldn’t. So what are you opposed to it for? What exactly will you gain by opposing what the Lord has placed on the hearts of others? What will the pain be for the church if this campaign is a success? Why are you embarrassed that a para-church organization has taken it upon themselves to help people break these bad habits, some would say destructive sinful habits, and lead them to do something more constructive with their hands and eyes?

The problem is that for drive-by readers of your blog your post might be perceived in just such a way. There may be people who think you are advocating flogging behavior since you are opposed to a campaign to stop flogging behavior unless the only readers you have in the first place are those who implicitly agree with you already. Perhaps for just a moment you could step back and see the bigger picture of the cost and sacrifice involved in rescuing people from the sin that has so gripped their lives. In other words, let’s see if there is a way we can discuss the issue and bring or offer some grace and mercy to those who suffer the shame of such activity instead of so quickly dismissing it is as ‘offensive’.

If you have ever been saved because Chris Rosebrough posted a warning about xxx.church at his blog, please email us.

sincerely,

jerry

**UPDATE**

Turns out xxxchurch is wasting their time after all and that bro. Rosebrough was right to call them out. Link.

Here is a quote from a “pastor”:

“I was frightened and thought I was dreaming, it was such a thunder clap, such a great, horrid f@rt did the papal @ss let go here! He certainly pressed with great might to let out such a thunderous f@rt - it is a wonder that it did not tear his h*le and belly apart!”

This quote reflects the heart and church philosophy of this pastor all those who have followed after him. This pastor needs prayer, and so does the church family he “ministers” to. This pastor and the rest of those who are just like him in their lack of understanding, remind me of what Jude wrote: “For certain men have crept in unnoticed, who long ago were marked out for this condemnation, ungodly men, who turn the grace of God into lewdness and deny the only Lord God and our Lord Jesus Christ…These are spots in your love feasts, while they feast with you without fear, serving only themselves. They are clouds without water, carried about by the winds; late autumn trees without fruit, twice dead, pulled up by the roots; raging waves of the sea, foaming up their own shame…These are grumblers, complainers, walking according to their own lusts (sensual); and they mouth great swelling words, flattering people to gain advantage…mockers in the last time who would walk according to their own ungodly lusts. These are sensual persons, who cause divisions, not having the Spirit.”

The most amazing thing about these is that they are unable to detect their own behavior through and see themselves in the word of God and gain repentance. They will continue to do what they do because their eyes are blind to the truth that would save them.

Martin Luther, Wittenberg Germany, I do pray for you. Repent and trust the Savior before it is too late.

That’s it folks! Look no further for the reason why we all in decline. According to this slice post, from this ABC news story, the problem is hygiene! Now why didn’t I think of that?! All these kids coming into our churches, wearing the latest fashions of tattered jeans and bed head - they just need a good shower! Maybe if we had Colgate come and do a 45 minute presentation in all of our churches, we would be rid of the slobbery. Better yet, we can have the ushers hand out disposable toothbrushes at the door. And maybe we can get people back into those polyester three-piece suits again! Remember… the Lord looks at the hygiene, the clothing style and how well you are able to color coordinate your clothing.

**this post contains many facetious statements. While I do believe that our society is becoming more brash, rude and crude, I have no clue how that corresponds to hygiene, clothing choice and how those two affect the current state of the church.